ENTERTAINMENT

Published on March 16th, 2017 | by sligoadmin

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12 Things Tourists Can Do To Fit In On St. Pat’s

Visitors to our fair isle may have heard about the ‘craic’ and the ‘ceol’ but to really fit in with the locals here is quick guide that may be of enormous benefit. Follow these tips and you can’t go wrong.

1 Get dressed up for the day that’s in it. Thick Aran sweater, tweed trousers and polished black brogues. Paint a Tri-colour on both cheeks and don a top hat with a plastic harp on the front. Stick on a false red beard. Don’t forget the umbrella and rain poncho.  Over the Aran you must wear a green Tee-shirt emblazoned with the words ‘Kiss Me I’m Irish’.

2 Drink so much you feel ‘pig sick’. Start the morning off with a nip of brandy or whiskey in your coffee. Instead of milk with your cornflakes pop open a can of cheap beer and pour onto your cereal. Before you head out for the day finish off that bottle of red wine from the night before and fill a hip flask up with vodka.

3 By the time the parade starts you should have downed about five pints of porter and you should be bleary-eyed at this stage. The floats will go by in a blur.

4  Take a piss in a shop entrance as everyone looks on in disgust.

5 Get sick in a doorway and on yourself.

6 Have a piss down the side of a parked car and down the leg of your trousers.

7 Scare some auld wans by shouting like a mad yoke.

8 Piss against a wall making some pretty patterns as you giggle inanely.

9 Throw a few fucks into an auld fella to make him angry and agitated.

10 Piss on someone hedge and over their roses .

11 Beat the head off some poor sap who ‘looked crooked’ at you.

12 Have a dump down some alley. Pinch one off, wipe yourself off with a tissue you find in the trouser pocket. Cover your ‘present’ with the tissue in the hope that someone will step on it.

 

Have a great day.


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