NEWS

Published on October 28th, 2019 | by sligoadmin

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Trump Buys Cork

It’s been reported by the international press the President of the United States has bought the city and county of Cork, Munster, Ireland.

Golf

In a press conference outside the White House, Mr Trump outlined his plans for the popular Irish county. There will be three Trump Tower hotels – one in the City itself, one in Cobh and third in “a secret location, top, top secret. OK I’ll give Y’all a soft clue”. Some believe it’s Youghal but it’s actually going to be Mallow (soft clue = marshmallow). The remainder of the county will be turned into “the world’s largest, best and tricksiest  golf course in the world”.

Border

He plans to employ only people from “south of the border” to work at his hotels and resorts. Some speculated that this means people from the Republic of Ireland and he was referring to the border with Northern Ireland. However when questioned he stated that all employees must be able to speak Mexican.

Hurling

Already some politicians have welcomed the move and hope that the Donald can do something with the place. A local TD stated “with this investment it won’t be long now before Cork win all-Ireland football and hurling championships”.

Estate

However a local “know it all”  journalist questioned how the president was able to purchase such a large piece of real estate and who he bought it from before the TD interjected and told the writer to shut up and “don’t spoil things for everyone”. 

Pony

Mr Trump did answer and said he paid €500,000 cash to a traveller from Kerry by the name of McGinnitty. He went on to say it was “the deal of the century because it also includes a piebald pony and a 5% share in a greyhound”.

 


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