NEWS

Published on April 1st, 2019 | by sligoadmin

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Aliens Invade Sligo

It is a day that will go down in history. It is a day that will live in infamy. It will be known as the day Sligo fell to alien control.

Buzzed

On the night of March 31st 2019 a spacecraft appeared over Benbulben, in a split second it swept over Sligo Bay hovered over the Showgrounds and promptly disappeared. The phone lines buzzed as people tried to frantically call the Gardai the army and Joe Duffy’s hotline.

Skite

Strange things started happening the next day. It was going to be an April that no one would ever forget. I’m writing this from the future, a very bleak future for Sligo. At first nobody paid attention but then punters noticed short statured women and men looking slightly green around the gills drinking in the pubs of Sligo. People thought they were feeling the worse for wear after drinking a skite of pints and mixing drinks with spirits and wine.

Parade

Some people believed these little green people had sneaked into the area disguised as leprechauns for the St. Patrick’s Day parade and they’d stuck around. It was noticed that they didn’t pay for their drinks and were using a system of “mind control” to convince barmen they didn’t have to pay.

Dicks

The alien women were beautiful. One of the benefits they brought to us was time travel but one of the worst things was a new type of venereal disease. At first people (men) thought they were becoming alien but in reality it was just their dicks turning green. The women of Sligo were supposed to be turning green with envy.


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