NEWS

Published on April 16th, 2021 | by sligoadmin

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Dealers – “Open Up”

Government
Drug dealers throughout the country want guidelines and opening dates from the government. The acting president of DDR&EGS (Drug Dealers Regenerative & Expansion Growth Society) addressed the media today from his home in Sligo. “A clear roadmap is needed”, stated Mr P. Usher, “it’s essential we know as soon as possible when normal trade can resume.” 

Cakes
At a zoom conference hosted by the organisation numerous issues were raised. Delegates were worried about terms and conditions for street dealers, rates of pay and the rising cost of living. Brexit popped up when a Roscommon member recounted how Jaffa cakes were harder to source since the beginning of the year.

Shit
Of primary concern however was loss of business due to the pandemic. Delegates, most of whom have been observing lockdown rules, are feeling the pinch and want trading to resume immediately. With Norn Iron restrictions being lifted fears were expressed punters would “source E and shit from over the border”. A vote was taken and it was agreed the current situation was unacceptable. A majority called on the minister and the authorities to take action and intervene on their behalf.


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