Exclusive – Transcript of Trump and Enda’s Private Conversation

The Taoiseach and the US President met in the White House earlier and Sligo Sligo News has managed to obtain a transcript of their private conversation*.

Enda: How are ya boss?

Trump: Welcome to my winter Whitehouse. Mr Teashop.

Enda: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Mr. President. It’s an honour.

Trump: What did you say your name was again? Edna?

Enda: It’s Enda, but sure, you can call me anything you want. Edna is fine.

Trump: Okey Dokey, You’ve got a present for me, what have you got?

Enda: Yes sir Mr President, here you are.

Trump: Hey Edna what is this shit? This is bad.

Enda: It’s a bowl of shamrock, your highness. We wear it on St. Patrick’s day. It’s got three leaves that represent the holy trinity, don’t you know.

Trump: The Holy Trinity Group hey, they sound important. Good.

Enda: Can I ask you a favour Mr President?

Trump: Sure Edna, what is it?

Enda: Can you see your way to doing anything about the undocumented Irish?

Trump: The what?

Enda: The undocumented.

Trump: What’s that? Who?

Enda: Illegal Irish immigrants.

Trump: No.

Enda: OK So. I just had to bring it up. Am! Mr President do you fancy a trip back to the old emerald isle at some stage?

Trump: Talk about bringing things up. Oh! Edna, I believe you’re asking me back to your place is that right?

Enda: Yes Mr President.

Trump: I’d love to visit London. You’re so forward. Here Edna sit on my lap. Yeah that’s right baby. It’s ok Edna, just relax baby I’m just trying to grab your Pu**y.

Enda: MISTER PRESIDENT!!!! I’m not that type of Taoiseach.

Trump: Wait a minute that’s not a Pussy!! Oh! My Edna are you transgendering? Ok get out now. This is bad. Don’t use the washroom ok?

* There was a bug in the bowl of shamrock.

Please note secret service people the bug was a beetle.