NEWS

Published on November 4th, 2016 | by sligoadmin

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Gardai Will Win €50 Every Day On Scratch-ies

scratching arse The Labour court has recommended that Gardai should be provided a €50 daily allowance for scratching their hole. Sketchy details have emerged about what has been quickly dubbed the ‘Scratch Allowance’ but the court recommended that it should be put to a ballot immediately.

Bunged Up

A further issue not foreseen by the court has emerged, that regardless of whether a Garda has a hole or not, they will still receive the allowance. Approximately thirty percent of the serving force don’t have a hole. It has long been regarded as an advantage to be constipated in the profession.

Itchy

Reacting to criticism Gearoid O’Sullivan from the Garda Representative Association rounded on sections of the media who he said were determined to make light of itchy arsed Gardai. He said it was a debilitating condition and something that Gardai had to deal with on a daily basis.  Critics should first examine their own conscience, he warned.

Cavan

It is not known at this stage if a special case could be made for a Garda in Cavan who has two holes. Apparently one hole is used solely for scratching and the other is used
for sh*&ing. Speculation is rife that he would be entitled to a double scratch allowance and this could lead to further threatened industrial action.

Of course the government will be expected to cave in immediately to any and all further demands and recommendations.


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