NEWS

Published on December 8th, 2017 | by sligoadmin

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Ireland Grinds to Halt

Batten down the hatches the weather is wintery.

Bones

The country is in abject crisis today and is expected shut up shop this weekend. People won’t be able to get to work and those that do, won’t be able to get back home again. If this goes on too long then schools will be affected next week. Pedestrians will trip and fall breaking bones and egos. These will have to be treated in our overcrowded hospitals (the bones that is, not the egos). This will add to our accident and emergency and trolley problems.

Balls

Every Joe and Josephine citizen will shiver, freeze, stamp their feet and mutter things like – ‘Jeez it’s shocking,’ ‘it’s Baltic out there,’ and ‘when will it ever end?’ The talk will be of snow, drifting snow, snow flurries, ice, black ice, sleet, hail, Arctic conditions, winds from the East. To top it all someone will report they’ve seen ‘Hailstones as big as golf balls that can smash windscreens.’ And of course the roads won’t be treated or gritted to our satisfaction and the snowploughs won’t be out everywhere (or down our estate or road).

Butcher

Despite the fact that it is winter and it does tend to bring similar weather conditions with it every year we remain wholly unprepared when it comes around. Everyone will be offering free advice from the AA roadwatch people to Jimmy the butcher and Mary at the post office.

Smug

And who is to blame for all this. Well Met Eireann that’s who. While they sit in their warm and cozy ivory tower , sipping mugs of hot cocoa with their feet being toasted by an open fire, the country will freeze. Sure they’ll make predictions and issue weather warnings to beat the band but will they do anything about it? You can bet your last Euro they won’t. Bunch of smug fuckers.


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