Published on August 19th, 2015 | by sligoadmin0
Mourinho Appoints Homeopathic Medical Team to Bench
Dr. Melissa Scab and Dr. Jonas Bruiser (both online graduates from The Homeopathy University, Snake Oil Avenue, Savannah Georgia, US) will be attending all Chelsea games from now on.
The manager expressed his hope that they can treat players from the sideline rather than on the pitch which always results in a player being removed for treatment.
Their kit bag will contain such staples as – Wolfs-bane, Arsenic, Deadly Nightshade, elixir of Belladonna – some of these remedies have been thought of as poisonous but they will be diluted with gallons of sweat gathered from training sessions as to render them harmless (or more powerful depending on you point of view).
Sulphur will certainly be present – some say it has already been on some match days. It can be used to clear up haemorrhoids – an affliction professional football players suffer from due to long hours sitting on their arse playing games on their phones or tweeting.
So the next time John Terry gets elbowed in the mouth literally causing him to spit blood he may be treated with Hypericum or Pulsatilla – which could also help clear up his bed wetting.