Published on May 29th, 2020 | by sligoadmin


Sex Fantasy Gone Wrong

An online court heard the sorry tale of a man whose urges got the “better of him.”  Michael “Dickie” Smith was arrested after police broke up a Covid19 party last weekend. 


The Zoom court was deemed a success by all concerned despite initial technical problems. The court heard flat owner, Mr Smith, was arrested after being found semi-naked wearing only a white singlet with his exposed penis covered in marmite.


The accused claimed he had placed an order on the internet for a mix of up to 50 male and female persons to help fulfill a sexual fantasy.  The fantasy involved being handcuffed semi-naked to a chair while watching people “simply enjoy themselves”.


Gardai raided the apartment and found drugs in the form of pills, powder, blocks, rocks and cannabis herb. There were copious amounts of cheap vodka and beer with ashtrays spilling over and half smoked cigarettes everywhere.


Mr Smith said he regretted his actions and pointed out that he “would never, not ever, try to satisfy the fantasy again”, a fantasy he had harboured for years and years. This despite remaining unfulfilled as “no fecker brought the handcuffs”. He couldn’t explain the marmite.

Judge John Judge decided to let the man off with a warning and expressed concern at the amount of cigarettes that had been smoked indoors, he stated that this was clearly a health hazard.

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