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Published on August 5th, 2020 | by sligoadmin

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Sex in Lockdown – Dial it in

NPHET (the National Public Health Emergency Team) offered advice for adults, especially young adults to engage in online or phone sex instead of the actual thing. SSN investigated with the help of so-called ‘Sexperts’.  

Bone

Professor Mary Amber from Trinity said although the lockdown has led to a sexual drought, it shouldn’t be seen “in a totally negative light”. She suggested it could be good for couples to develop actual relationships before indulging in sex. Mickey in the office put it as “getting to know them before you bone them”.

Sex

Psychologist Amber Scanner from John Hopkins university, Maryland USA said online and phone sex instead of casual sex was perfectly acceptable in the current climate. Acceptable to who? Well we wondered this and sought the experience of someone on the street.

Tit

Andrew (“Randy Andy”) told us “before all this shite I was used to getting me hole regular”. He informed us that his gonads were as big as basketballs so he decided to try online.  He was on his mobile and his partner, a laptop. “I sent her a dik pik and she sent me a photo of her left tit – she told me she was  clicking away like mad but I got suspicious when she asked if it should be a left click or a right click?” Andy also reported “me phone is destroyed now, it’s not working after being covered in s****.”

SSN would like to sincerely apologise for the previously reported – but accurate – quotation.


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