NEWS

Published on March 4th, 2017 | by sligoadmin

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Sligo Lads Too Smart For The Smart Condom

A smart condom – the iCon – has been released that is in effect a fit-bit for your penis.

Sex

In reality the device is a ring the fits at the base of an ordinary condom and can detect the quantity and speed of thrusts, girth and the length of time a sex session takes.

Lucky

We spoke to a number of tarty young wans around the town. “You don’t need a smart thingy for that,” stated Kylie (24). “It’s well known the average Sligo shag is about 5 pushes and grunts at 10 kilometers per hour, pencil thin in size and 20 seconds duration if you’re lucky.”

STI

The data gathered from the device can be download to a smartphone and shared online if wanted. The iCon can also detect STIs (sexually transmitted things) which could be useful.

Sligo

Earlier today a local “serial shagger” boldly stated that the device wouldn’t catch on. “This thing won’t take off in Sligo, no way man. For a start it’s made by a company called British Condoms and I’m not having that, I’m not having something British on me dick,” stated the young man firmly.


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