NEWS

Published on December 12th, 2020 | by sligoadmin

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Sligo Woman Goes Ballistic

A south Sligo woman is set to spend Christmas and New year behind bars after she went ballistic this week.

Arrested
The Garda Emergency Response Unit along with army and customs officials swooped in the earlier hours of Friday morning. They arrested a middle aged woman and took her in for questioning. The device was made safe by army bomb disposal.

Russia
Mary Murphy (42) from Tubbercurry claims she was “only trying to get himself something special for Christmas.” Himself being her husband of twenty years John-Joe (43). “Around here he’s known as the ‘Rocket-Man’ because of his interest in them,” she told SSN, “and when I saw the online ad for an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile (ICBM) going cheap from Russia, well I couldn’t resist.”

Terrorist
Local postman – Patrick –  alerted the authorities when he became suspicious of the size and shape of the parcel which was wrapped in brown paper and tied up with string. An army spokesperson confirmed the device, a 10 ton nuclear weapon, was viable. Using highly skilled investigative techniques Gardaí tracked Mrs Murphy down to her terrorist lair in south county Sligo. But postman Pat told us they just looked at the attached address label.

Woman
“Less of the middle-aged woman descriptions, please,” a statement issued by Mary declared. She refused to reveal how much she paid for the missile as she first wanted to see how much John-Joe was going to spend on her this year.


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