Sport Minister Awards Bonanza to Toe Wrassling Team

The Minister for sport has announced that six million Euras has been awarded to the sport of Toe Wrassling by the government.

Declan Heel spokesperson for Toe Wrassling Ireland (TWI) was extremely excited about the move – “This is an enormous step forward for Ireland and the unique sport of Toe Wrassling. The community is thrilled with the minister’s actions. And on a personal level,” he stated, “from my big toe to my little pinky I feel we can now step up and make Ireland proud for once.”

The plan is to firstly gain a foothold and then become a world power in the sport.

The “sport” was developed in 1976 in Britain and competitors lock toes to pin their opponents foot down. It’s an intense sport when the players literally go toe-to-toe.

Of course the begrudgers are out in force to complain about this latest distribution of public money. Mary Heel from the anti-TWI (she’s also an actual auntie to Declan Heel)  told SSN today, “I’m not even sure it’s an actual event and if it was I’m not sure if the team would qualify anyway.”

Complaints have been already circulating online that the TWI population only comprises 4 people three of whom are related to the minister. This we say is preposterous.

 


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