NEWS

Published on December 24th, 2019 | by sligoadmin

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Supermarket Wars

SligoSligoNews took to the streets to talk to battle-scarred shoppers who’ve been “hard at it” the last few days.

Gluten Free

We met Sheila in the Garda station – “this walking talking bitch – a right c*&t if I’m being honest. She barges in front and shoves the young fella out of the way because she was desperate to get the last gluten free mince pies. I’m f*&ked if I’m letting her so I pinned her against the shelf with my second trolley grabbed the pies and scuttled off. I got her with my heels, dug one into the top of her foot. There was no coming back from that, serves her right I thought. But fair dues to her she came at me in the car park where I head butted her”.

Wine

Gerry pressed a handkerchief against a bloody nose outside Wine street car park – “foreign chap, I think he was from Mayo direction. Big f&^ker and all, probably GAA player. I put the foot down and grabbed the parking spot before he had time to react. He was waiting for the previous car to reverse and turn. I saw my chance and took it. He f*(king hit me”.

Shite

“I wouldn’t stand for it,” declared Barbara a young mother, “the two of them sat down in the middle of Dunnes and screamed their lungs out, all because I suggested they could share a selection box. The embarrassment of it. Well Santy is f*&king finished in our house – I told the little shits that I’m going to murder the fat f*&k this evening. They seemed a bit traumatised to be honest. My husband said they might need counseling – he’s a soft shite”.


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