Published on December 25th, 2018 | by sligoadmin0
By Shona McGough cookey correspondent
Christmas dinner is a once a year treat for the whole family. Here is the SligoSlgoNews guide to the essential dos and don’ts to make the meal bearable.
Open a bottle of wine before starting.
Ensure the turkey is (1) defrosted and (2) able to fit into the oven without having to cut off its wings and legs.
Have a huge hunk of ham boiled the day before ensuring the house stinks of cooked meat.
(hopefully the last two pieces of advice aren’t too late)
Prepare enough food for all guests based on the following formula
Spread – a, no. guests – b, portions of food – c therefore
a = b *(c* 1.5)
But if you are shite at maths just basically cook far too much food and add a portion for the dog.
Have a vegetarian option for the family oddball. A meat substitute of course.
If the family veggie says “nothing that has a face,” then arrange the food on their plate to resemble an actual face – see if they’ll eat that.
Keep sipping the wine.
Wear one of those fucking stupid Christmas jumpers with bits hanging off.
When the Brussels sprouts are added let your uncle make his usual quip – “I see you’ve made a balls of the cabbage again”.
Finish the wine when no one is looking.
Use Bisto gravy only (accept no other substitute)
Forget to do the dessert.