NEWS

Published on January 31st, 2019 | by sligoadmin

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Vegetarian Politican’s Secret Life

A politician who wishes to remain anonymous has told SligoSligoNews that he stopped eating meat last summer.

Secret

The legislator who is in his 40s and married with two children doesn’t want to go public with the news. For the purposes of this article we will call him John.  He feels that he must keep his secret hidden from Dáil colleagues. The meat industry in the country is surrounded by tough, no nonsense carnivore’s who would tear strips off him if they discovered the truth. The industry is strongly represented by lobbyists and a host of politicians. Even the Taoiseach Leo Varadkar was recently criticised when he said that he was trying to cut down on his meat consumption.

Shits

Wednesday night is usually “Burger Night” in Leinster House and it has proved particularly stressful for John. The excuses appear to be wearing thin. There are only so many times he can have “the shits” without arousing suspicion. The game was nearly up when the minister for food made a snide comment on his choice of pizza toppings which consisted of mushrooms, red onion and sundried tomatoes.

Accident

“I became a vegetarian by accident,” said John. “First I tried ‘Meat free Monday’ then ‘Tofu Tuesday’ but it quickly turned into a habit. Before long, before i knew it, I wasn’t consuming dead animals at all. It just creeps up on you. I hope my case can be a warning for others contemplating going meat free,” said John in a heart felt plea to the people of Ireland.

Shaky

He says his wife doesn’t understand him anymore and their marriage is on shaky ground. His wife and kids still devour a meat and two veg meal every evening. They are regular customers of the local burger bar while he has to stay at home with a limp salad and meat substitute.

It would be political suicide if John’s real identify was revealed but SligoSligoNews can state exclusively that he is not and never has been a member of the Green Party.


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