OPINION

Published on January 10th, 2019 | by sligoadmin

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What The What is Veganuary?

A number of people have stated recently that they will be doing “Veganuary”. These people are invariably foreign celebrities and not from round these here parts. Nonetheless our readers have been asking the questions and we’ve tried to answer them as best we can for the good people of Sligo.

Q: What is Veganuary?

A: It’s something like “Dry January” – staying off alcohol for the month that’s in it – but it involves turning vegan for the duration.

Q: What is vegan?

A: Vegans are, quite rightly, regarded in some quarters as very pious vegetarians. They won’t eat any kind of animal product. So imagine life without meat but also, no milk, no butter or yogurt. And believe it or not that also means – no eggs.

Q: Are vegans weird?

A: Yes they certainly are. Their diet is very restricted. Their beliefs also extend to other products like leather jackets, belts, handbags – not eating of course but not wearing or carrying them.

Q: How do you pronounce the term?

A: It’s common to put the stress on the first syllable

feeee gaan  (as in the fee that was due and had to be paid has now vanished).

Q: What does a vegan look like?

A: They are a paler (literally) imitation of a vegetarian. Pasty faced and fragile.

Q: How do vegans behave in public?

A: They always seem to have an inflated sense of self importance. Will constantly mention that they are a practising vegan and imply that everyone else’s problems stem from the fact that they are unhealthy meat and dairy eaters.

Q: What do vegans eat?

A: Mostly hummus (ground up and blended chickpeas) and various forms of cardboard.

Q Can childer survive on a vegan diet?

A: They say it will do no harm to childer –because it’s supposed to be a good healthy balanced diet, they say. But they jury is out on this one. Some serious scientific research needs to be carried out. Our quick answer is – we don’t know.

Q: Are there any famous vegans?

A: No. Come on get real.

In conclusion – vegans are insufferable bores, like hippies but with a sense of entitlement and an air of smugness. They delight in making impossible, annoying, confusing  and absurd requests at restaurants and when having dinner parties with friends. They tell you they’re vegan even before you know their name. Avoid at all costs.

If someone you know says they are doing “Veganuary” get them help at once.


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