NEWS

Published on December 25th, 2016 | by sligoadmin

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Xmas Burglary Crew Taken Down

A very brave Sligo Garda was instrumental in apprehending a notorious gang that have been operating in the area for years. Garda Tom “Goody Two Shoes” Goody originally from Co. Roscommon caught the notorious Santy Claws gang in action late last night.

Crime

The Garda lay in wait and aided by the Armed Response Unit (ARU) nabbed the gang leader and his gang of sick individuals (known as the Elves) as they made their way from a crime.

Donegal

The villain who dresses up in a red uniform and his team have been wreaking havoc in the city and county for generations now. They move from house to house systematically breaking into homes when everyone is fast asleep. The vicious thug is believed to operate a factory of child labour somewhere in Donegal. Animal rights groups have also cited his cruel use of deer as a means of transport. The deer are forced to pull the obese individual around in a sleigh when a four wheel drive vehicle would be more appropriate.

Revolving Door Policy

In what is believed to be a twist of irony the deluded felon who models himself on Saint Nicholas ended up in the “Nick” last night thanks to the quick actions of Garda Goody. It is believed however the felon was out on bail within an hour, having obtained free legal aid and appearing before a judge in the early hours of the morning. A Garda spokesman condemned the revolving door policy that allows these criminals to walk free – “Right there, that goes to show us everything that’s wrong with the system,” he went on to say.

It is understood that upon release the villain immediately returned to his dastardly work.


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